The Travelogue, Part XXXVII - Sweden: Scandinavian Pole Dancing

Easter, Carnival, Pentecost, Chistmas - wherever you look, all of our former honestly Pagan festivities have been compromised by Chistendom. And although the church still struggles to explain what an egg-laying rabbit has got to do with the ressurection of Christ, it has managed to successfully re-brand all holy days of former competitors to its own liking. Only in a small country in the north of Europe a single bastion of family-friendly paganism still exists.

If you entered Stockholm around the 21st of June, you might well think it is a ghost town. Shops are mostly closed, and you will only encounter the lonely or over-worked staggering homewards along with the proverbial tumbleweed. What has happened? A Pandemia? Free booze cruises to Germany? Zombie Apocalypse? No, it's

Midsommar in Sweden

A typical Swedish country house

 

Simply known as summer solstice elsewhere, the longest period of daylight in the year is a major festivity notoriously gloomy Sweden. According to some people even bigger than Christmas, and understandably so: midsommar is warm, outside and a fertility festival. You can imagine what that means. And yes, all they say about Swedes is true.

But first things first. Midsommar is traditionally celebrated on the countryside, with friends and family. If you yourself do not own a countryside house, one of your friends will surely do and take you along. The actual celebration consists of people both young and old dancing around a giant phallic symbol that is thought to be impregnating the earth and bring a good harvest. Before you think of Japanese penis festivals, be told that Swedes are more classy and have decorated their phallus with fresh greenery and it thusly looks a lot less conspicuous than one would assume.

The Midsommar Pole

There are several songs that are traditionally danced to, but one of the most popular ones is "Små grodorna", which roughly goes: "Little frogs are funny to look at, they got no ears, they got no tails...croak-ak-ak, croak-ak-ak." Dancers are required to make the appropriate movements, using their hands to imitate ears and tails and frog-hop to the croaking. Although Swedish adults claim they only do that for the children, the barely disguised enjoyment on their faces gives away their true sentiments.

A Midsommar wreath (Krans)

A lot of Midsommar traditions involve flowers and shrubbery, such as making wreaths or collecting seven kinds of flower to put under your pillow to dream of your future husband. More memorable, at least from a purely physical perspective, are the food and drink rituals. And drink they do! Shots of liquor are raised at various intervals along the generous amounts of Swedish delicacies that pile up on the table. Unsuspecting foreigners have been known to be dead drunk before dinner even starts. Don't try to sing along to any of the drinking rhymes, you'll sound even drunker in Swedish than in your own language.

One of the many Snaps shots that await you. Skål!

Being the most Swedish of all celebrations (it was even proposed to be the national day), Midsommar food consists of everything traditionally Swedish (unless you ask Danes): Kötbullar (Meatballs), herring (pickled or in cream sauce), new potatoes, salmon and rye bread are usually part of the menu. The year's first strawberries are served as a dessert.

A selection of Swedish (and not-so-Swedish) foods

Finally, Midsommar is a fertility festival. While that does not necessarily mean you need to make kids, the procreational pressure seems to translate at least into an increased amorous activity amongst the Swedes - never have I seen so many fresh couples in one place. As March (Midsommar + 9 months) still has the highest birth rate throughout the Swedish year, I'm lead to the assumption that these relationships are not purely platonic however...

All pictures are mine to use and copy, so please don't take them without permission (has happened).

The Travelogue, Part XXXVI - A Finnish Dictionary

The Finnish Maiden

When you live in a foreign country and both you and the inhabitants are forced to communicate in an alien language, misunderstandings abound. This is of course equally true in Finland, where the English word used might reflect something entirely different than you would normally assume. To prevent you from falling into some of the many pitfalls if you ever venture here, I have collated some of the more common words so you know the subtle differences in meaning between Finland and the rest of the world.


My Finns - I know some of you won't respond kindly to this, so just see it as a test of humour. :)

Geography 

Finland and surroundings

"An American, a Russian and a Finn watch their neighbour drive by in his new sports car. The American shouts: 'Awesome car dude, you're really doing well for yourself!'. The Russian mutters between his teeth: 'Man, I'd really like a car like this.' The Finn quietly thinks to himself: 'I hate the fucker. Who does he think he is? I hope he just crashes and dies.'"

- common Finnish joke 

Finland: The glorious maiden-shaped Duchy of Finland who achieved independence from Russia and Sweden, won the Winter War despite inferior forces, home of Nokia and Mika Haekinnen and best country to live in (apart from during winter). Not "The little country up there where Sweden is."

Helsinki: ->capital

Russia: neighbouring country that lusts for Finland's rich natural resources and innumerable work force. Built all pretty buildings in Helsinki and now apparently wants them back.
Sweden: Imperialist neighbour hated for 800 years of cultural hegemony and forcing Finns to learn Swedish in school.

Stockholm: town you sleep in to cure the hangover of the cruise from -> Finland before you head back the next day 
Swede - snob, arrogant prick, or faggot
Swedish Finn - half-snob, half-prick or half-gay

Thailand: hot place you go to meet other Finns on summer vacation when it's hot in Finland anyway

Tampere: Wannabe ->capital

Turku: Former ->capital for people who haven't made it to Helsinki yet

Jyväskylä: Hillbillie town meets star architect

Lappland: where Santa lives, in his own amusement park for Japanese people.

Karelia: stretch of land in lost to ->Russia that Finland needs back to solve its overpopulation problem

Society

Finnish Independence Monument

"Depression in Finland is a bit like the Football world cup in Germany - everyone does their best to excite everyone to join in."  

-Me

 

Holidays - Government-alloted amount of workdays including Saturdays you have accumulated from April to April at a rate of 2 days per month to be spend recreationally during the summer period in Finland instead of in winter when you would most want to leave.

Lottery - what you won when you are born and live in Finland. Kids learn this in school.

Fashion: what was hip in Sweden long enough ago that no one thinks you're Swedish
World War II: entertainment category between the "Comedy" and "Horror" shelves in the video rental store
Red light: an impregnable barrier that keeps you from crossing the road despite lack of cars
Lunch: late breakfast (~ 11:00)
Suicide: usually includes wife and kids
Army: first and last line of defense against ->Russia. Also only official certifier of your worth as Finnish man.
Complaining: Finns are allowed to complain about everything. Foreigners are limited to the following: weather, cold, taxes, Alko closing times, Swedes, darkness. Complaining about anything else will be considered ungrateful and impolite.
Hobby: diversion from ->depression
Sport: preferred ->hobby, as it is healthy, cheap and requires little talking to other people

Tradition and Culture 

Students in their uniform on Vappu

"Leuka rintaan ja kohti uusia pettymyksiä."

(Chin down and towards new dissapointments.)

- Finnish saying

Design Capital 2012: ->Helsinki
Aalto - one of the two designers, famous for the Aalto Vase
Maija Isola - the other of the two designers, created the famous Marimekko flower print
Alko: national liquor store with monoploy. Opens when you're at work and closes before you get home. Used to be called "Oy Alkoholiliike", but similarity to "Oi, Alcoholic!" caused a re-branding.
Vappu (May Day): excuse to get drunk (wearing a university overall)
Johanus (Midsummer): excuse to get drunk (around a bonfire)
Joulu (Christmas): excuse to get drunk (next to a fir tree)
Itkuvirsi: folk music, literally meaning crying psalm
Spring: season created through Finnish force of will by wearing shorter clothing despite nature's lack of thermic compliance
Summer - the greatest thing about Finland and the only reason why Finnish people make it through the winter
Vittu: meaning pussy, roughly equals the use of fuck!/fucking in English. Uses include "Haista Vittu!" - Fuck off (lit. "Go smell pussy") or "Voi Vittu!" - Oh shit (lit. "Butter pussy!").
Jallu(vina): the devil in glasses
Salmiakki: the devils younger equally evil sister
Lonkero: alcopops on tab
Mökki: countryside hut where Finns traditionally go in summer to greet the newborn mosquitoes

Social Interaction 

"Kellä onni on, se onnen kätkeköön." 

 (Let the one possessed by happiness conceal his happiness.)

- Finnish saying

Compliment: elsewhere: an expression of praise, commendation, or admiration which might or might not be sincere. Finland: a sincere expression of sexual interest by insincere means
Troll (m./f.): what Finns become under the influence of too much alcohol. It's like full moon for werewolves.
Trollsex: what you will be getting when you take a -> Troll home after a night out.
Staying overnight: Social fauxpas that will make the bed's owner assume you either are too drunk to walk home or that you desire a relationship.
Smalltalk: talking about anything else than your most immediate needs. Anything concerning topics above tier 2 on the Maslow's Pyramid is small talk.
Silence: socially perfectly acceptable answer to any asked ->question
Extrovert: talks to friends of friends without introduction
Question: sign of lack of self-reliance and perseverance in solving your own problems
Fuss: what you are causing when addressing a problem
Bragging: what a Finnish professor in francophone literature does when he claims he "picked up a little French along the way."

More Commonly Confused Words

2012 Presidential election poster

"How to turn a death sentence into lifelong imprisonment: ask to learn Finnish for your last wish." 

- Finnish joke

Pop: metal
Fridge: closet that keeps food warm in winter
Spice: Salt 
Affair: impending marriage
Sociable: slutty just without the sex part
sarcasm: a lie or insult in the assumption that either will automatically include wit and humour.
dating: laborious American way of getting laid
Tango: Polka
Capital: over-sized village
Flirting: free drinks
Shy: socially inept 
Doing well: being hated
Ice Hockey: football 

The Travelogue, Part XXXV - Finland: Land of Comfortable Silence

Finland

Some of you might know I recently moved to Finland. Many of you have been asking me what it is like. Now that I have been here for a month I will share my first tentative observations. Currently I am making these from the safe location of Helsinki, but I expect to be a bit more intrepid in the near future.

Helsinki itself is a medium sized town on the southern Finnish coast, sprawling across a scattering of beautiful islands. This coastal location makes it much warmer then the rest of Finland, so you might be surprised to hear that is actually not 'that cold'. In fact it's often warmer then, for example, Berlin and gets the same leisurely 30 degrees in summer. It has a lovely Russian classicist center and the sea is never far.

So what have my experiences with Finns been so far? I just want to mention two subjects that I repeatedly find myself confronted with.

Finnish Identity

Sandwiched between Russia and Sweden, always under hegemony from either of the two, Finland only became a nation as late 1917. Apart from language, Finland has little unique cultural definitions of its own, as I had to learn visiting the national museum. This is probably why Finns are exceptionally keen on pointing out the multitude of Finland's achievements over the course of its short history. To do my part and pass on the glory of Finnish ingenuity I shall introduce you to some of the most important Finnish contributions to human history.

 The Dish-Drying Cupboard

Probably the most Finnish of inventions, the Dish-Drying Cupboard is simple, understated and practical. Washed dishes are put over the sink to dry, conveniently hidden in the cupboard. I don't know why it's so rare outside Finland, as it is pretty ingenious.

The Molotov Cocktail

Yes, that's right: the Molotov cocktail. During the Finnish war (1939-40) against Russia, the Finnish army found itself severely outnumbered and under-equipped. The valiant defense of the Finnish guerrilla gathered the Finns a lot of respect in Europe and serves as the prime example for the Finnish most defining character trait: sisu. Commonly translated as "gritty perseverance" it basically means you are a tough fucker. You know, the type of guy who will make a point by hacking a hole into the ice to take a swim, just because he can. The Molotov Cocktail is named after the Russian foreign minister of the time, which is pretty much his only claim to fame.

The Mumins

Created by Tove Janson, the Mumins have achieved international renown ever since they received feature film treatment in Japan. The Mumins are a family of troll-like creatures inhabiting the Finnish forest (and at times other places). The series is commonly considered kids entertainment, but includes dealing with sophisticated topics such as materialism and depression. The Mumins still remain bestsellers and have just recently spawned a new TV show.

Linux

The famous free open source software with the annoying penguin mascot now has an estimated 60 million users. The Finn Linus Torvalds created its base in 1991 and it has since steadily grown to become the world's largest free open source operating system.

Despite all these famous contraptions, some Finns seem to be on a veritable crusade to fight Finland's ever-looming descent into obscurity, producing what they believe to be a famous person or event in Finnish history for virtually every conversation subject you might broach. If necessary, even 1957 Miss World Marita Lindahl will be pulled from the depths of beauty pageant history to illustrate Finland's claim to international renown. If you preemptively present yourself to be knowledgeable in Finnish fame history you will avoid getting lectured and you might even win a smile.

Finnish social culture

In terms of social ambiance, Moving to Finland from the UK is a bit like moving from the green meadows into the desert. Let me illustrate. I went out with a friend of mine. On the table, we meet a lot of his other friends. As they are friends of my friend, I figured I should introduce myself. I walk up to the first person. "Hey, I'm Florian." and extend my hand. The person looks at me with an expression of utter indifference. After some seconds of unexpected silence, he says: "You know, in our culture you don't need to say anything if have got nothing to say." I stand there for another three or so awkward seconds before I try to retract my extended hand as naturally as possible.
As you can see, having a friendly chat with strangers is not exactly rooted in Finnish society. But I have gathered five preliminary rules to help you avoid similar situations of awkwardness when you go out to socialize in Finland.

Rule of the Drink
The secret to enjoyable conversation in Finland is being able to judge the individual drinking capabilities of the person you talk to. You want to catch your conversation partners at about 75% drunkenness. Before they lack the social lubricant to converse and past that they'll be too wasted to talk.

Rule of Physical Distance
My Finnish workmate calls it the rule of the fist. If you are within a (stretched-out) fist's range, you are to close. Don't touch, don't hug, don't kiss. Unless you are both correctly estimated to be past 75% drunkenness. This may sound limiting, but do not despair: with many Finns this is a daily occurrence.

Rule of Exact Information
Finland is a very information-efficient country. Say more than required and people will consider you a nuisance, say less than necessary, and things will go awry, as Finns will not make any assumptions on their own. So don't expect the bus driver (or anyone else on the bus) to tell you which station to get off just because you asked whether the bus is going there.

Rule of Self-reliance
While this principle transcends conversation, the ideal of sisu has a profound conversational effect. People will make you feel like an idiot if you ask questions. After all, you could have spend two hours figuring things out on your own now, couldn't you.

The Rule of Comfortable Silence
When there is nothing of importance being discussed, silence between two conversation partners is not anything to get uncomfortable about. Finns will not consider you a bad conversation partner if you say nothing.

Socializing with women is marginally easier, mainly because someone needs to take care of the procreation business when all the men have passed out. Finland is also supposed to be one of the most gender-neutral countries on earth. It was the first nation to establish full voting rights for women, and is still on the forefront of gender equality. Employment among women is as high as among men, and many of the state-run services, such as free daycare for children, make sure it stays that way. All this makes Finnish women refreshingly hands-on. Finnish women are the type of girl who will get her high heels off and help you carry your couch into your apartment right before she's about to go on a night out, as it happened to me three days ago. Flirting is an almost exclusively female domain in Finland, as Finnish men are usually either too shy to make a move or too drunk to be attractive. So don't be surprised when women are very explicit about their intentions...one of my Italian colleagues was so frightened he asked me for protection the other day...

The Travelogue, Part XXXI - USA: A Country of Virtue

One of my reasons to travel through the (west) of the USA was to gain more understanding of a country that my home media chooses to represent in a few select and mostly unflattering ways. I talked to a lot of Americans, some in loft bars and some on the greyhound, about their country and what makes it unique to find my own perspective on this vast stretch of land. And while I learned there is no such thing as "the USA", everyone I talked to seemed to define America mainly by its overarching values. I've spent a lot of time thinking about the most commonly named ones, and this post is about my perception of the state of these values.
Just like in my last post, I would like to employ the help of someone else. This time it shall be someone held in generally high cultural esteem, an ancient greek by the name of Aristoteles. But don't worry, it's not going to be very intellectual.
Part of Aristoteles ethics theory centers around the idea that every virtue has a desirable measure, a painful excess and a lacking deficiency. Undesirable behaviour in society stems not from lack of virtue, but from straying from "the golden mean". I do indeed believe that USA is a country of many virtues, yet how often they hit that golden mean is an entirely different issue.

Freedom

Ah, yes, freedom. If there was ever a plebiscite in the US on whether to rename it to 'Freedom Country', I'd wager it would pass, so prominent is this word over here. And truly the magnificent history of this country stands witness that it has indeed been a new home for those ostracized, surpressed and prosecuted, and ideal cast into copper and iron on a tiny island in the Bay of New York. Due to overexposure, many Europeans scoff at the sentiment that the USA is indeed a country of freedom, but I find that it is. The USA still takes in more immigrants than any other country on the planet, and they do not only come for the economic benefits. They also come because they are allowed to bring their culture, their religion and their language. In the southwest of the USA almost all information is also presented in Spanish. Try lobbying for Turkish signage in Germany, good luck.
A frequent cause for ridicule and disdain of American society in other countries, the (literal) excess of the freedom virtue is that freedom is treated as an unconditionally desirable value. So many Americans want freedom for the sake of it, constantly lamenting infringement on its unrestricted possession. What they seem to forget is that freedom has to come with a purpose and responsibility. If neither of the two are provided, freedom itself is meaningless. Since most freedoms (including the ones demanded by the founding fathers) is provided in Western societies, America has turned to 'injecting' issues with freedom that have little meaningful purpose at all, not to even speak of responsibility. So strong is the power of the word that whole political movements, such as the Tea Party,  can ride on its wave without having any politically meaningful content whatsoever.
Considering the deficiency of freedom, I think it's a bit of an ironic backdoor thing. The very system that publicly guarantees your freedom is the main inhibitor to actually make use of it. True indpendence is undermined by the social and economic legislation, that favours the powers in existence and gives people without prior assets very little chance to enjoy freedom of choice in work, travel, education and entertainment.

Self-Reliance

America, so I was told many times on this trip, was built on the idea that every man can make his fortune, provided he works hard for it. What that actually come to mean, however, is 'every man for himself'. To a certain degree, this is a healthy attitude I like about many Americans. Taking your fate into your own hands and going out to make a mark in the world seems to be an ubiquitous attitude. I don't necessarily mean that in an economic sense, rather in the way that the general opion is omnipresent that if you want things to happen, you gotta go out and do 'em, whether your love lies with Wall Street or Green Peace. That also means that Americans come with a healthy scepticism towards anyone telling them what to do, including the federal government. Quite contrary to a dearly held European belief that there is 'the United States', in fact Americans in all states fight tooth and nail against the overburdening 'common culture' that we have come to know as the American way of life. Although it is probably a losing battle in the long term, every state has a distinctive local culture that can be surprisingly different from what you normally imagine America to be, and is well worth sampling.
Excess of the self-reliance virtue is the reason why America is often portrayed as a cruel and heartless society. Many Americans I met believed that poor people are poor because they are lazy and refuse to work hard for their dreams like everybody else, and if they don't make it then it's their very own fault. That's why Americans love the figure of the re-emerging underdog. To keep believing in that ideal of success through hard work, they need the occasional, if rare, proof of concept that it is indeed possible. Many oppose any sort of social taxing on grounds of this belief, or any help to even out disadvantages that comes out of their own pockets. This sentiment has prevented the creation of meaningful social systems in the US and should misfortune befall you despite hard work and ample ability, in reality there is rarely a way back up. It has also made it surprisingly acceptable to make fun of the poor and homeless, to a degree that would be impossible anywhere in Europe.

Individuality

 

Whether you want to see it as a by-product or a prerequisite to aforementioned self-reliance, many Americans seem to believe that they are more individualistic than other peoples, both as respective entities and as a culture as a whole.
I believe that this is true, from a purely jurisdictional sense. The American government is indeed more lenient with whatever expression your may find for yourself, and rarely seems to infrige on your right to be a freak.
Painful excess of inviduality shows itself in the assumption that everyone seems to get told that they are a unique little snowflake, and that whatever severe character flaw they might have is just part of that amazing unique self. Society has to cater to that, and all institutions tell you that you are wonderful and special 24/7, and many people genuinely believe that.
But then here comes one of the mean punchlines of US society: people actually hate you for expressing individuality. Nowhere else I have been is conforming to a group and their trappings more pressing than in the states. From high school on people are hammered into shape by relentless comments and ridicule on their individual quirks, and become either Preps or Goths or Nerds or whatever drawer you want to come up with. And if you aren't anything recognizable, then good luck, because for many people it's literally do or die. Teenage suicide rates are high in the states, and many teens are on antidepressants. Yes, I know that social pressure and rejection are not the only causes for that, but I claim they are major.
This seems to lead to Americans either sticking with their group choice for life or becoming as plain as possible in public. Apart from subcultures, Americans wear little that gives away their personality, and are some of the most homogenously dressed people on the planet. And they're stuck in the fashion world of the late eighties. But that's a different issue.

Enthusiasm and Optimism

One thing that separates Americans the most from Europeans is the unlimited enthusiasm and relentless optimism people emanate. The eternal can-do atttude still reigns supreme, and people with even the hardest fates seem to believe that greener pastures still exist within reach. Nothing can seems to be able to bring Americans down, they are the living embodiment of the old saying "dust yourself up and try again", a spirit that I personally found highly contagious. It doesn't surprise me that there are so many more startups and new ideas springing up in the US than in Europe; individuals here are just so much more hopeful and likely to bet on their dreams.
When this virtue passes the golden means, it becomes a value in itself, devoid of any reason. In America, being enthusiastic about something gives it enough validation in any case, even if no arguments exist to back your enthusiasm. That allows people to stand up in public and make a series of non-statements and still get applauded instead of embarassed. The fact that they are passionate about it gives their view sufficient weight despite a lack of content. Consequently being passionate about whatever you think or do has become a national requirement and is encouraged (or even demanded) from early age on. From there stems one of the most annoying habits of Americans: that they will always enthusiastically say yes and agree to all you say, even if they actually mean no.
This constant demand to be positive and upbeat has led to a backfire of enthusiasm in many Americans, especially when reality frequently collides with the perfect world that is claimed to exist. The American 'fakeness' that so many Europeans lament when they stay in the US for a while is merely a mode of survival in a society that has adopted an unhealthy level of optimism as a social virtue. A by-product of that is the widespread abuse of 'happy pills', often on prescription by America's ever-growing pharmashrink industry, that mask individual tragedy to smoothen public life.

Equality

People I met frequently spoke about equality being an American value, but unfortunately I could find no proof for this virtue being existing anywhere in a golden mean. There is some amount of excess, evident in an obsession with political correctness that, while protecting minorities and disadvantaged within the (very academic) realm of language, does little to actually improving the chances or acceptance of said minorities. Companies can rise and fall on an issue of equality, so all companies pay lip service to all sorts of equality schemes to conform to propriety rules. The acceptance of differences is not in the head of people yet, however. This can be seen in the fact that the average American man has an almost pathological fear of being perceived as gay, which means that even remotely form-fitting clothing is non-existent in all common store chains, even for suits. Failure to comply to the rule of baggy will gather you a comment or even open scorn.

It is the utter lack of equality though that is the most visible, and if I may say, below the standards of a nation so proud of its wealth and principles. In no nation I have traveled have I seen so many homeless, so many working poor and met so many people with no perspective in life. You might call it conincidence, but most of them happened to be black or native american. Quality education, the main means of improving your status and income, is prohibitively expensive in America. The USA has a very unflattering Gini Index for its prosperity, and the (white) lobbies that actively prevent equality are strong. So strong in fact that the economic structure actively discriminates against the middle class, which is shrinking by a larger amount every year.

Faith 

Unline Europe, where faith is more of a character trait than a value, in the US it is an important virtue. Strangely enough, it doesn't even have to be faith in the religious sense. For Americans it doesn't seem to matter as much what you believe in, as long as you do believe in something. Being an atheist is a major social stigma in the United States, despite the nation being founded by atheists, and many Americans who are not religious still pretend they are. In absence of a religious mindset, many of them seem to chose to believe in a system instead, adopting a dogmatic, unquestioning attitude towards concepts usually seen as just merely an administrative choice elsewhere. An example is "capitalism" which I many Americans elevate to an absolute, word-of-god concept that does not allow for modification. Everything else is "socialism" (aka 'the devil'), and will not be debated. A subtle outgrowth of this mentality is the tips system. In other countries tips are given to reward and encourage exceptional service. In America a sizeable chunk of tips will be added to any price by standard, eliminating the actual reason why they are given. This enables owners to actually pay below the minimum wage, filling the missing dollars up with tip money instead of paying a reasonable salary instead. The most frequent answer to this pecularity I got was that "those are the rules of capitalism", displaying the same fatalist attitude as believers accepting the invetitable will of God. Insha'Capital and Amen.

The Travelogue, Part III - England: Social Culture

Socializing

The best thing about England are undoubtedly the English themselves. Living in a country with an average of 110 rainy days a year seems to have bred people with a good sense of humour (or maybe the ones that are born without it simply kill themselves). The social culture is also quite different from Germany, and this bit is about some of its many pitfalls and highlights.

Masters of the Chat

You will often hear that the English consider themselves to be very reserved people. I don't know what the hell they are talking about. Maybe they compare themselves to Brazilians, who knows. Compared to northern and central Europeans, the English are extremely accessible people, and making new friends is amazingly easy. Here, people start chats with you all the time; the shopping queue, the pub, any public space really.

Germans, for comparison, have a rather large social distance. Random People talking to them for a prolonged time makes most of them somewhat uneasy. Many Germans I know over here have had this awkward moment of uncomfortable paralysis when they were first spoken to by a random friendly stranger. But once you are used to it, it's great. Mainly because Britons manage to make even conversations about weather somewhat entertaining.

The very language habits seem to make for a more friendly social culture. There is no polite pronouns, like in many other languages, so everyone is “you”, which already breaks some boundaries. Throw in the obligatory “mate” (or even “sweetheart”) and you already feel like you're part of the crew. Even communication with public officials is dotted with “mate” or “son”, and people will even crack a joke or two.

I was never a big fan of small talk, but the English have turned it into a delicate art form, and I respect them highly for it.

I frequently hear that while people here are easy to talk to, they do not (unlike, allegedly, Germans) make good long term friends. I have made quite the opposite experience, and my Brits are equally “deep” and reliable as my Germans.

The Rule of the Sugar Coating

My first encounter with the subtle conversational differences was at my job, when gave feedback on a colleague's work, with the effect that he was disgruntled for several days. In England, again like in Japan, you do not criticise directly. Instead, you must adhere to what I call the Rule of the Sugar Coating:

"When confronted with an unpleasant situation or potentially causing any discomfort to a person, even if justified or minor, first talk about something unrelated and positive. Once you have established a suitable agreeable surrounding, bring the issue to the forefront by using the mildest language you can, phrased in such a way that no potential blame could fall on you to be considered rude."

Imagine you are not particularly pleased with something someone has done at work, and you want him to change that. In Germany, the conversation would go something like this:

“Hey. You know the asset you gave me is not up to specifications here, here and here. Can you please redo it?”

“Sure.”

Job done. No offence taken.

Now in England, it goes like this:

“Hey mate, how're you doing?”

“Not too bad, not too bad.”

“So, how was your weekend?”

“Nice, did X and did Y.”

“Cool. You know I really love those models you're making. They're really awesome.”

“Thanks, dude.”

“You know, there's just one little improvement, quite a minor thing, that would make my work with them a lot easier. Would you mind having a look into that? Only if you have time of course.”

After that you leave it to faith if your message came across. Maybe the English value politeness higher than efficiency. That would at least explain a lot about the state of the railway system.

Conversation Topics

For a country that claims to boast some of the world's finest universities, people are surprisingly averse to intellectual topics. More often than not I met people where conversation stops dead in its tracks when it's not about pop culture. Albeit an extreme, I have encountered many conversations akin to this real life example:

She: So, do you like the band?

Me: Yes, they're awesome.

She: The frontman looks a bit like this guy X from East Enders, doesn't he?

Me: Erm, dunno, never watched it. But I like the way he's going mental on stage.

She: Oh my God! You never watched East Enders?

Me: No, don't have a television, actually.

She: (looks at me with a blank expression) But...what do you do all day?

Being well educated seems to hold not too much value in Britain, your reputation as a fun person is much more important. While knowledge books and shows are reasonably popular, they are usually about interesting trivia you can talk about, rather than hard facts. Play a British version of Trivial pursuit, and you will notice the difference; the German version comes with the topics History, Music, Science, Geography, Art and Sport, whereas the British one offers you only one topic that isn't football, films and famous people. I figure it helps sell new editions as you have to update all the questions with the new celebrities.

Education seems mainly a means to an end, not a generally desirable acquisition, and is much more specialist, trying to get you into a job a soon as possible with as little fuss as possible.* Schools teach at a much lower level than in Germany, and from what my studying friends say, university in England is a piece of cake compared to France, Spain or Denmark. You can even get a bachelor's degree in tailoring or surf science.

*I'm not even saying that's a bad thing, it just leaves most of the responsibility on you to acquire some general knowledge.