The Travelogue, Part XL - So you wanna move to Finland?

Moving to Finland is a decision one should only undertake well-informed. This little post was written to give you a small overview what to expect and what to look out for. It is by no means comprehensive, but it covers the major issues that most expats will have to deal with, and is not just based on a single opinion.

Whatever your reasons for contemplating a move to Finland might be, I would like to make an educated guess that it is either of those two: work or woman. Finnish women have a strange tendency to acquire foreign boyfriends abroad and then import them to Finland. But more on that later. First you should know a bit about the place.

What to expect...and what not

 

Much to the dismay of the Finns, most people don't have a clue about Finland. Apart from Mika Hakkinnen, Nokia and the Moomins, people rarely know of anything Finnish, so they are left with assumptions. Here are some common ones.

Finland is "another one of the Skandinavian countries"

While Sweden has been sitting on it long enough to warrant that assumption, Finland shares only some of the cultural associations with its western neighbours. For the most part though, Finland always has been, and still is, its very own thing. Its border location, harsh climate and unkind history have shaped it to be something entirely different from the pretty chilled out "Skandis" of Sweden and Denmark. Expect Finns to be a lot less light-hearted.

Finland is "another European state"

Just like it isn't quite Skandinavia, Finland isn't quite Europe. It feels strangely disconnected, at times more Russian than European. Culturally and geographically it is Europe's borderlands, its untamed wilds. It's not cosmopolitan, despite having many foreigners (in Helsinki). It's not very refined, despite many cultural achievements. It simply hasn't been an integral part of Europe's history, and lacks the connection to the overall European context that permeates and resonates with the rest of the landmass, from France to Poland and from Sweden to Italy.

Helsinki is "like Copenhagen or Stockholm"

It might look like a big place on the map and even Wikipedia, but in fact Helsinki feels like an overgrown village (for better or worse). Always being considered to be an outpost (or a holiday retreat, as far as Alexander II goes), Helsinki lacks a substantial amount of history and amenities to be on par with the other northern cities, and while it can be very pretty in places it's definitely not as cosmopolitan. Also mind that Finland hasn't been a modern economy for that long, so it lacks in services and established big name shopping options (again, for better or worse).

I'm heading there now permanently, anything I should know?

Once you have made your decision and you're moving, here's some details you might trip over. This list is non-exhaustive, so if you want to contribute, please let me know.

General Stuff 

 

 

Where to live

Finland is big. Thankfully, the only thing you need to do is follow the Finns. With one in five Finnish people living in the same area, the choice is easy: Helsinki. Yes, Finns will tell you there are other cities. Don't believe them. There is only one city in Finland, and you don't really want to live anywhere else.
Now that we have established that, you should know something about Helsinki. It's a bit a mirror of Finland as a whole: there is only on place you want to live at and that is on the southern coast. You don't want to live in Espoo or Vantaa. You even barely want to live in Tölöö, to be honest. Central Helsinki including Kallio are where you want to be, and if you don't you will end up regretting it at some point. At the latest when you are queueing an hour for a Taxi at -20 degrees trying to get home.

Money

A common problem among foreign professionals seems to be their lack of money. Many people get attracted by high salaries, and even if you run them through a tax calculator, they still seem substantial. And at the end of the month, they find themselves broke. Here is how I believe this happens: Finns are not spoiled by consumerist society yet. One of the reasons they often come up high in happiness polls is because they are simply content with less. For example, going out to eat is still not a very casual thing to do. If you don't fancy cooking a lot, you will find that you have to fork out a lot more for food than elsewhere. The same goes for clothes shopping, non-seasonal and foreign food and events, all of which are (relatively to your budget) more expensive compared to, say, Britain or Germany. Another big drain will be housing. Finding a flatshare is not easy, especially when you are a foreigner. Living by yourself (if you didn't before) in the central areas can easily double your expected monthly costs. Having a Finn handy to help you find a cheap place or share is not just useful, but essential. Often the landlords will prefer to have a Finnish speaker, as they are often older and not confident in their English.
Drinking in center is also expensive: at the time of writing, 7 Euro for a beer is not a rarity. Prices get progressively cheaper as you move to the outskirts. Head to Kallio if you are looking for cheaper booze still within party range. Tipping is unknown or only practiced in places frequented mostly by tourists.

Company Life

Working in a Finnish company can be quite puzzling (or even frustrating) at times. Obviously the culture varies from place to place, and this is just my own resume, with added experiences of others.

Holidays

Okay, this one is as weird as it is important: Make sure you broker additional holidays for the year you are starting in. Otherwise your holiday allowance is determined by state law, not company policy. You gather holidays for your next year from April to April, at a rate of 2 days per month. So if you happen to start in February, you will get 4 days worth of holidays for this year. Read this twice to make sure you understand this, or you will hate yourself (or finnish legislation). Now here's the second punch: you will be gently forced to take your holidays in summer. Yes, it makes no sense, just accept that it's tradition and companies will want all their employees to be gone at the same time. It's not a hard law, just be prepared that that's what will be expected. After all, why would you want to follow common sense and flee to a warm place during the cold winter months?
There is a holiday bonus when you go on holiday, which is awesome. Holidays you don't take have to get paid out, which is also awesome. To put a bit of a unique Finnish twist on the awesomeness, if you don't take your holidays and have them paid out, your holiday bonus is deducted from that money. Don't ask.

Benefits

This might be a (commonly accepted) English glitch, but the Finnish definition of a work benefit is what in other countries would be called a tax refund. For example, many Finnish companies issue so-called "lunch vouchers" which are accepted in most restaurants, canteens and some supermarkets. They are not actual free vouchers though. Their value is taken from your salary, with the employer paying the tax (usually around 30 %). Most benefits seem to work that way. So when you calculate your budget or prospective salary, be aware that benefits are not free giveaways in Finland.

Communication

Work culture is heavily influenced by social culture, and consequently Finnish workplaces are quiet places. It is not customary to respond to email if you don't feel the need to, so expect no confirmations or replies unless they are really, really needed (and often not even then). Also expect to be the person talking in meetings - there's a reason why most of the PR jobs are taken up by foreigners. Finns would produce the cure for cancer and then hand you the details in the elevator, saying: "Here." and walk away. Also remember that you need to be twice as proactive connecting with people, as it will likely be a one-sided affair.

Promotion

Being proactive is not necessarily seen as a positive thing in Finland. Being the person who upsets the slow and steady going of things, even for good reasons, will not earn you much credit. You will realize that at the latest when it is time for promotion. Being promoted on merit seems to be seen as sort of...unfair and competitive. Loyalty and long-term employment tend to be a lot bigger factors when being considered for a higher position. But don't fret. In five years time it might be your turn to scoot up the ladder, so don't exhaust yourself, and deal with the fact that Pekka just has been here for longer.
Also, Finns are quite reluctant to praise, and that includes you. So if you feel under-appreciated, just remind yourself that if people were unhappy with your performance you'd definitely know.

Daily Troubles

 

Let's face it, every place on earth has its benefits and shortcomings. No place is completely bad or good. This is a little list of troubles you might encounter while living in Finland, and knowing about them beforehand might dampen the impact, so you can enjoy the good things even more.

Social Distance

The Finnish definition of "being close" does not necessarily match your own. Even with people who are good friends you might experience you are still missing that "extra step" towards sharing emotions and thoughts. When Finns say you are a friend, they really do mean it. But to get to the stage where they let their guard down might take you years (four on average, I hear) and it might well never happen. They will likely not be seeing things that way, as they have grown up in a culture where "close" is still quite far by other nations' standards.
This is especially true for brief encounters of physical nature: do not expect more than just the mechanics, or you might be disappointed. On the other hand, if you do give signals that you are interested in more than that, you will find yourself in a marriage quicker that you'd think.

Racism

It might not be a nice thing to say, but Finns are on average pretty racist people. Sometimes they might not even notice. The range goes from open insult on the street ("Fucking Arab!") to the "little joke" ("Haha, you sound like an bloody immigrant!") or the downright bizarre ("Southerners like you don't know how to behave around women."). This is obviously to be understood knowing that we Germans are known to be hot-blooded womanizers the world over.
If you point out the issue, expect to be met with ignorance. Political correctness just isn't here yet, and is often seen as some "American bullshit fit for gay people and hippies". I don't think you would have to expect physical hostility, but the more foreign you look the more you will be met with
prejudice.

Depression

Whether you want to blame the perpetual darkness, the alcohol abuse or the coldness of the social culture, depression is a real issue in Finland. Although the statistics have become better, Finland is still a country with low mood rates. Remember that Finns are a proud and stubborn people and would not easily say they are being in a low mood. It was not even considered a medical condition for a long time.
If you find yourself wondering why you are doing all this (especially after a couple of drinks), make sure you get out somewhere sunny, at least for a while.

Perks

After all these warnings, you might ask yourself: why the hell would I want to live there? Finland has lots of perks, but whether they are worth the trouble is of course your decision.

Quietness

Finland just runs at half the pace of other Western countries. No one's in a hurry. Most things (except buses) run steadily and reliably. People speak quietly in public places. No one, not even the beggars, is gonna bother you. People just let you be. If you enjoy solitude and only deliberately connect with select people, it's great.

Countryside

Finland has some of the most pristine and unspoilt nature in Europe, and even better, it's never far away. Even "big" cities like Tampere feel like they are still in the middle of the forest. The air is clean and fresh. There are plenty of lakes around, and wild berries, mushrooms just waiting to be plucked from the ground.

Security

Finland (despite some other claims made by more konservative Finns) is probably one of the safest countries on earth. No one's gonna wait to mug you at -20 degrees in winter.
Aside from that, you get free healthcare, free daycare and free education, all on a high level. Talking about social security.

No fuss culture

While it can sometimes be a bit tiring, the Finnish no-fuss-approach to life can also be really refreshing and make your life a lot easier. You don't need to (in fact, shouldn't) package criticism or desires to be more palatable. Just say what you want, for god's sake. Especially when you come from a traditionally more "polite" culture, such as England or Japan, give it a try. It will be quite liberating.
I find it especially pleasant with Finnish women, who have none of that helpless girl attitude so ubiquitous in other countries. a Finnish woman will probably never ask you to set up her stereo (to borrow an old gender cliche). Chance are she will do it for you.

So should you move?

In case you actually do have a choice (rarely the case if you move for a man or woman), ask yourself these questions:
Do you already have stable social surroundings (partner or good friends) in Finland?
Do you value security very highly?
Do you have kids?
Are you happy with spending a lot of time by yourself and/or inside?
Can you cope with long winters and total (read: day-long) darkness?
Are you happy about social interaction between strangers being kept to a bare minimum?
Are you happy about social interaction between sexual partners being kept to a bare minimum?
Do you enjoy quietness and being away from it all, including the rest of Europe?
Do you rarely feel like going out for good food or cultural events?
Do you love unspoilt outdoors?
Do you like to drink?

alternatively:

Are you happy with frequent casual sex without emotional attachment and large quantities of beer and/or Australian?

If you can answer the majority of these questions with "yes", then Finland might be just the place for you. If you find yourself answering most of them with "no", reconsider. I mean, seriously do. Many people who move make themselves miserable in the process.

Conclusion

Finland is a peculiar place, and just like Marmite or strong cheese it will find its lovers and its haters. You can easily have a good time there, especially if you just stay for Summer, but I have not met too many people (including Finns!) who can cope with permanent residence there for too long. It tends to make people weird.

As far as I am concerned, it has been a revealing experience in many ways, and while I met some great people, I have found that my nature does not resonate with the Finnish mindset at all. Make sure you think yours will, so that you can enjoy Finland to the fullest it has to offer.

The Travelogue, Part XXXVII - Sweden: Scandinavian Pole Dancing

Easter, Carnival, Pentecost, Chistmas - wherever you look, all of our former honestly Pagan festivities have been compromised by Chistendom. And although the church still struggles to explain what an egg-laying rabbit has got to do with the ressurection of Christ, it has managed to successfully re-brand all holy days of former competitors to its own liking. Only in a small country in the north of Europe a single bastion of family-friendly paganism still exists.

If you entered Stockholm around the 21st of June, you might well think it is a ghost town. Shops are mostly closed, and you will only encounter the lonely or over-worked staggering homewards along with the proverbial tumbleweed. What has happened? A Pandemia? Free booze cruises to Germany? Zombie Apocalypse? No, it's

Midsommar in Sweden

A typical Swedish country house

 

Simply known as summer solstice elsewhere, the longest period of daylight in the year is a major festivity notoriously gloomy Sweden. According to some people even bigger than Christmas, and understandably so: midsommar is warm, outside and a fertility festival. You can imagine what that means. And yes, all they say about Swedes is true.

But first things first. Midsommar is traditionally celebrated on the countryside, with friends and family. If you yourself do not own a countryside house, one of your friends will surely do and take you along. The actual celebration consists of people both young and old dancing around a giant phallic symbol that is thought to be impregnating the earth and bring a good harvest. Before you think of Japanese penis festivals, be told that Swedes are more classy and have decorated their phallus with fresh greenery and it thusly looks a lot less conspicuous than one would assume.

The Midsommar Pole

There are several songs that are traditionally danced to, but one of the most popular ones is "Små grodorna", which roughly goes: "Little frogs are funny to look at, they got no ears, they got no tails...croak-ak-ak, croak-ak-ak." Dancers are required to make the appropriate movements, using their hands to imitate ears and tails and frog-hop to the croaking. Although Swedish adults claim they only do that for the children, the barely disguised enjoyment on their faces gives away their true sentiments.

A Midsommar wreath (Krans)

A lot of Midsommar traditions involve flowers and shrubbery, such as making wreaths or collecting seven kinds of flower to put under your pillow to dream of your future husband. More memorable, at least from a purely physical perspective, are the food and drink rituals. And drink they do! Shots of liquor are raised at various intervals along the generous amounts of Swedish delicacies that pile up on the table. Unsuspecting foreigners have been known to be dead drunk before dinner even starts. Don't try to sing along to any of the drinking rhymes, you'll sound even drunker in Swedish than in your own language.

One of the many Snaps shots that await you. Skål!

Being the most Swedish of all celebrations (it was even proposed to be the national day), Midsommar food consists of everything traditionally Swedish (unless you ask Danes): Kötbullar (Meatballs), herring (pickled or in cream sauce), new potatoes, salmon and rye bread are usually part of the menu. The year's first strawberries are served as a dessert.

A selection of Swedish (and not-so-Swedish) foods

Finally, Midsommar is a fertility festival. While that does not necessarily mean you need to make kids, the procreational pressure seems to translate at least into an increased amorous activity amongst the Swedes - never have I seen so many fresh couples in one place. As March (Midsommar + 9 months) still has the highest birth rate throughout the Swedish year, I'm lead to the assumption that these relationships are not purely platonic however...

All pictures are mine to use and copy, so please don't take them without permission (has happened).

The Travelogue, Part XXXVI - A Finnish Dictionary

The Finnish Maiden

When you live in a foreign country and both you and the inhabitants are forced to communicate in an alien language, misunderstandings abound. This is of course equally true in Finland, where the English word used might reflect something entirely different than you would normally assume. To prevent you from falling into some of the many pitfalls if you ever venture here, I have collated some of the more common words so you know the subtle differences in meaning between Finland and the rest of the world.


My Finns - I know some of you won't respond kindly to this, so just see it as a test of humour. :)

Geography 

Finland and surroundings

"An American, a Russian and a Finn watch their neighbour drive by in his new sports car. The American shouts: 'Awesome car dude, you're really doing well for yourself!'. The Russian mutters between his teeth: 'Man, I'd really like a car like this.' The Finn quietly thinks to himself: 'I hate the fucker. Who does he think he is? I hope he just crashes and dies.'"

- common Finnish joke 

Finland: The glorious maiden-shaped Duchy of Finland who achieved independence from Russia and Sweden, won the Winter War despite inferior forces, home of Nokia and Mika Haekinnen and best country to live in (apart from during winter). Not "The little country up there where Sweden is."

Helsinki: ->capital

Russia: neighbouring country that lusts for Finland's rich natural resources and innumerable work force. Built all pretty buildings in Helsinki and now apparently wants them back.
Sweden: Imperialist neighbour hated for 800 years of cultural hegemony and forcing Finns to learn Swedish in school.

Stockholm: town you sleep in to cure the hangover of the cruise from -> Finland before you head back the next day 
Swede - snob, arrogant prick, or faggot
Swedish Finn - half-snob, half-prick or half-gay

Thailand: hot place you go to meet other Finns on summer vacation when it's hot in Finland anyway

Tampere: Wannabe ->capital

Turku: Former ->capital for people who haven't made it to Helsinki yet

Jyväskylä: Hillbillie town meets star architect

Lappland: where Santa lives, in his own amusement park for Japanese people.

Karelia: stretch of land in lost to ->Russia that Finland needs back to solve its overpopulation problem

Society

Finnish Independence Monument

"Depression in Finland is a bit like the Football world cup in Germany - everyone does their best to excite everyone to join in."  

-Me

 

Holidays - Government-alloted amount of workdays including Saturdays you have accumulated from April to April at a rate of 2 days per month to be spend recreationally during the summer period in Finland instead of in winter when you would most want to leave.

Lottery - what you won when you are born and live in Finland. Kids learn this in school.

Fashion: what was hip in Sweden long enough ago that no one thinks you're Swedish
World War II: entertainment category between the "Comedy" and "Horror" shelves in the video rental store
Red light: an impregnable barrier that keeps you from crossing the road despite lack of cars
Lunch: late breakfast (~ 11:00)
Suicide: usually includes wife and kids
Army: first and last line of defense against ->Russia. Also only official certifier of your worth as Finnish man.
Complaining: Finns are allowed to complain about everything. Foreigners are limited to the following: weather, cold, taxes, Alko closing times, Swedes, darkness. Complaining about anything else will be considered ungrateful and impolite.
Hobby: diversion from ->depression
Sport: preferred ->hobby, as it is healthy, cheap and requires little talking to other people

Tradition and Culture 

Students in their uniform on Vappu

"Leuka rintaan ja kohti uusia pettymyksiä."

(Chin down and towards new dissapointments.)

- Finnish saying

Design Capital 2012: ->Helsinki
Aalto - one of the two designers, famous for the Aalto Vase
Maija Isola - the other of the two designers, created the famous Marimekko flower print
Alko: national liquor store with monoploy. Opens when you're at work and closes before you get home. Used to be called "Oy Alkoholiliike", but similarity to "Oi, Alcoholic!" caused a re-branding.
Vappu (May Day): excuse to get drunk (wearing a university overall)
Johanus (Midsummer): excuse to get drunk (around a bonfire)
Joulu (Christmas): excuse to get drunk (next to a fir tree)
Itkuvirsi: folk music, literally meaning crying psalm
Spring: season created through Finnish force of will by wearing shorter clothing despite nature's lack of thermic compliance
Summer - the greatest thing about Finland and the only reason why Finnish people make it through the winter
Vittu: meaning pussy, roughly equals the use of fuck!/fucking in English. Uses include "Haista Vittu!" - Fuck off (lit. "Go smell pussy") or "Voi Vittu!" - Oh shit (lit. "Butter pussy!").
Jallu(vina): the devil in glasses
Salmiakki: the devils younger equally evil sister
Lonkero: alcopops on tab
Mökki: countryside hut where Finns traditionally go in summer to greet the newborn mosquitoes

Social Interaction 

"Kellä onni on, se onnen kätkeköön." 

 (Let the one possessed by happiness conceal his happiness.)

- Finnish saying

Compliment: elsewhere: an expression of praise, commendation, or admiration which might or might not be sincere. Finland: a sincere expression of sexual interest by insincere means
Troll (m./f.): what Finns become under the influence of too much alcohol. It's like full moon for werewolves.
Trollsex: what you will be getting when you take a -> Troll home after a night out.
Staying overnight: Social fauxpas that will make the bed's owner assume you either are too drunk to walk home or that you desire a relationship.
Smalltalk: talking about anything else than your most immediate needs. Anything concerning topics above tier 2 on the Maslow's Pyramid is small talk.
Silence: socially perfectly acceptable answer to any asked ->question
Extrovert: talks to friends of friends without introduction
Question: sign of lack of self-reliance and perseverance in solving your own problems
Fuss: what you are causing when addressing a problem
Bragging: what a Finnish professor in francophone literature does when he claims he "picked up a little French along the way."

More Commonly Confused Words

2012 Presidential election poster

"How to turn a death sentence into lifelong imprisonment: ask to learn Finnish for your last wish." 

- Finnish joke

Pop: metal
Fridge: closet that keeps food warm in winter
Spice: Salt 
Affair: impending marriage
Sociable: slutty just without the sex part
sarcasm: a lie or insult in the assumption that either will automatically include wit and humour.
dating: laborious American way of getting laid
Tango: Polka
Capital: over-sized village
Flirting: free drinks
Shy: socially inept 
Doing well: being hated
Ice Hockey: football 

The Travelogue, Part XXXV - Finland: Land of Comfortable Silence

Finland

Some of you might know I recently moved to Finland. Many of you have been asking me what it is like. Now that I have been here for a month I will share my first tentative observations. Currently I am making these from the safe location of Helsinki, but I expect to be a bit more intrepid in the near future.

Helsinki itself is a medium sized town on the southern Finnish coast, sprawling across a scattering of beautiful islands. This coastal location makes it much warmer then the rest of Finland, so you might be surprised to hear that is actually not 'that cold'. In fact it's often warmer then, for example, Berlin and gets the same leisurely 30 degrees in summer. It has a lovely Russian classicist center and the sea is never far.

So what have my experiences with Finns been so far? I just want to mention two subjects that I repeatedly find myself confronted with.

Finnish Identity

Sandwiched between Russia and Sweden, always under hegemony from either of the two, Finland only became a nation as late 1917. Apart from language, Finland has little unique cultural definitions of its own, as I had to learn visiting the national museum. This is probably why Finns are exceptionally keen on pointing out the multitude of Finland's achievements over the course of its short history. To do my part and pass on the glory of Finnish ingenuity I shall introduce you to some of the most important Finnish contributions to human history.

 The Dish-Drying Cupboard

Probably the most Finnish of inventions, the Dish-Drying Cupboard is simple, understated and practical. Washed dishes are put over the sink to dry, conveniently hidden in the cupboard. I don't know why it's so rare outside Finland, as it is pretty ingenious.

The Molotov Cocktail

Yes, that's right: the Molotov cocktail. During the Finnish war (1939-40) against Russia, the Finnish army found itself severely outnumbered and under-equipped. The valiant defense of the Finnish guerrilla gathered the Finns a lot of respect in Europe and serves as the prime example for the Finnish most defining character trait: sisu. Commonly translated as "gritty perseverance" it basically means you are a tough fucker. You know, the type of guy who will make a point by hacking a hole into the ice to take a swim, just because he can. The Molotov Cocktail is named after the Russian foreign minister of the time, which is pretty much his only claim to fame.

The Mumins

Created by Tove Janson, the Mumins have achieved international renown ever since they received feature film treatment in Japan. The Mumins are a family of troll-like creatures inhabiting the Finnish forest (and at times other places). The series is commonly considered kids entertainment, but includes dealing with sophisticated topics such as materialism and depression. The Mumins still remain bestsellers and have just recently spawned a new TV show.

Linux

The famous free open source software with the annoying penguin mascot now has an estimated 60 million users. The Finn Linus Torvalds created its base in 1991 and it has since steadily grown to become the world's largest free open source operating system.

Despite all these famous contraptions, some Finns seem to be on a veritable crusade to fight Finland's ever-looming descent into obscurity, producing what they believe to be a famous person or event in Finnish history for virtually every conversation subject you might broach. If necessary, even 1957 Miss World Marita Lindahl will be pulled from the depths of beauty pageant history to illustrate Finland's claim to international renown. If you preemptively present yourself to be knowledgeable in Finnish fame history you will avoid getting lectured and you might even win a smile.

Finnish social culture

In terms of social ambiance, Moving to Finland from the UK is a bit like moving from the green meadows into the desert. Let me illustrate. I went out with a friend of mine. On the table, we meet a lot of his other friends. As they are friends of my friend, I figured I should introduce myself. I walk up to the first person. "Hey, I'm Florian." and extend my hand. The person looks at me with an expression of utter indifference. After some seconds of unexpected silence, he says: "You know, in our culture you don't need to say anything if have got nothing to say." I stand there for another three or so awkward seconds before I try to retract my extended hand as naturally as possible.
As you can see, having a friendly chat with strangers is not exactly rooted in Finnish society. But I have gathered five preliminary rules to help you avoid similar situations of awkwardness when you go out to socialize in Finland.

Rule of the Drink
The secret to enjoyable conversation in Finland is being able to judge the individual drinking capabilities of the person you talk to. You want to catch your conversation partners at about 75% drunkenness. Before they lack the social lubricant to converse and past that they'll be too wasted to talk.

Rule of Physical Distance
My Finnish workmate calls it the rule of the fist. If you are within a (stretched-out) fist's range, you are to close. Don't touch, don't hug, don't kiss. Unless you are both correctly estimated to be past 75% drunkenness. This may sound limiting, but do not despair: with many Finns this is a daily occurrence.

Rule of Exact Information
Finland is a very information-efficient country. Say more than required and people will consider you a nuisance, say less than necessary, and things will go awry, as Finns will not make any assumptions on their own. So don't expect the bus driver (or anyone else on the bus) to tell you which station to get off just because you asked whether the bus is going there.

Rule of Self-reliance
While this principle transcends conversation, the ideal of sisu has a profound conversational effect. People will make you feel like an idiot if you ask questions. After all, you could have spend two hours figuring things out on your own now, couldn't you.

The Rule of Comfortable Silence
When there is nothing of importance being discussed, silence between two conversation partners is not anything to get uncomfortable about. Finns will not consider you a bad conversation partner if you say nothing.

Socializing with women is marginally easier, mainly because someone needs to take care of the procreation business when all the men have passed out. Finland is also supposed to be one of the most gender-neutral countries on earth. It was the first nation to establish full voting rights for women, and is still on the forefront of gender equality. Employment among women is as high as among men, and many of the state-run services, such as free daycare for children, make sure it stays that way. All this makes Finnish women refreshingly hands-on. Finnish women are the type of girl who will get her high heels off and help you carry your couch into your apartment right before she's about to go on a night out, as it happened to me three days ago. Flirting is an almost exclusively female domain in Finland, as Finnish men are usually either too shy to make a move or too drunk to be attractive. So don't be surprised when women are very explicit about their intentions...one of my Italian colleagues was so frightened he asked me for protection the other day...

The Travelogue, Part XXXII - USA: Conclusion

Traveling

There's only one way to travel in the United States, and that is by car. Yes, you could theoretically use public transport, but that means you won't see much of what this country has to offer and what you'll be seeing is not the best end of it, either. Greyhounds and other transport tend to frequent only the most common routes, which means those economically important, not those visually or culturally interesting, and unless you only want to go from big city to big city they are only an occasional option. Most of the interesting bits lie far from the main routes, and if you want to see this country, you will have to get you own vehicle. This is also often true within cities, as American towns were constructed with cars in mind.

If you plan on traveling the USA the backpacker way, think twice. To the majority of Americans this mode of travel is an entirely alien concept and consequently there is virtually no infrastructure for independent travelers. Hostels exist only in big (or touristed) cities, and you'll find that they are either shabby or overpriced, very often both. In fact, getting a budget motel is often cheaper than a hostel and you are less likely to run into shady characters. Either way, the budget range is still around 40 $ a night, even for a dorm bunk bed (!) in popular cities, and you're not getting much for your money.
I reckon the best way to see the USA is by camper or even better, a car with a trailer, so you have independence from both public transport and expensive accommodation.

On the plus side, if you do have a car (rent it through a European site; often saves you about 50%!), America is very convenient. Almost everything you'll want to see has a well-paved road and a parking spot right in front of it, and driving here is literally a very straightforward affair. Be prepared to bring lots of caffeine though, as everyone drives along the totally straight roads on the exact same maximum speed which is the traffic equivalent of a lullaby. Also note that lack of proper driving lessons and a certain redneck attitude when on the road makes Americans some of the worst drivers on the planet. Road awareness seems to equal character weakness for many inhabitants, and you will need to make up for that with being extra careful.

Food 

In many countries American food is synonymous with junk: greasy, cheap and tasteless, and unfortunately that is not too far from the truth. The majority of American food, whatever nationality it might claim to stem from, is filling at best and revolting at its worst. It's usually lathered in fat and MSG, oversalted and the ingredients are poor, with the former probably being a product of the latter. Shopping in an American supermarket for good food is like trying to buy an Armani shirt at a Thai street market - the label might be the same, but the contents are very different indeed. Finding that the "Original Italian Parma Ham" is made in Wisconsin might amuse, the fact that it isn't actually cured and has "smoke flavour" added might befuddle, but that it contains only 30% meat should worry you. American companies manage to turn a simple product like Hummus (water, oil, chickpeas, spices) into a industrial cocktail of 27 different additions, among them emulsifiers, preservatives, colourings plus the ubiquitous corn starch. Even "health food" is laced with all sorts of dubious addtions that the lax American consumer laws allow.

But it's not all grim. Good food can be had, but it requires local knowledge and a well-fed wallet. Farmer's markets and food-conscious consumers are on the rise, but for now good food seemed like a white middle class hobby to me rather than a general ideal. In general I found that "American food" (Burgers, ribs, etc.) is the best taste for value, whereas all foreign food tended to be a lukewarm version of the original at twice the price, and mediocre even in expensive places. If you like good beer, however, do not despair. American microbreweries make some fine ale that is well worth drinking.
Food doesn't come cheap and you can expect to fork out around 20 $ a day (including tax and tips) on a backpacker's budget for food and drink. You can live off less, but then you'll likely be fat and slouchy at the end of your trip.

People

 

America's overarching social culture has both benefits and drawbacks for independent travelers. Where you come from matters little, and Americans are friendly, chatty and generally very helpful and happy to show you around. Except when they are unsure about your motivations or their surroundings, in which case they become excessively paranoid. You will find that in such cases, asking for the way will be met with suspicious glares or even increased pace and ignorance. Most of this paranoia is caused by America's media's incessant exaggeration of the various dangers in the country, and I cannot count the times I have been insistently warned of robbers, rapists and mountain lions, who always seem to be "in the vicinity" or "seen yesterday". Keep that in mind when trying to hitchhike.

As stated in the last post, Americans love to (or ought to) say 'yes' at all times, so don't assume any invitation to be serious and have a Plan B. In a very Japanese manner, social harmony is very important and sometimes the line between a good discussion and a unpleasant disagreement is very thin in America, where open disagreement is more often than not seen as a breach of social conduct rather than a healthy interchange of opinions. 

Private sphere and private property are very important concepts in American society, and you better don't infringe on either of them. Once you are allowed within either of them though, Americans are gracious hosts in my experience and will go out of their way to make you comfortable. Americans love to party, and in big towns fiesta is never far away. To avoid cultural irritation especially if you are female, accustom yourself to the Bump'n'Grind, America's national dance, also known as the Backrubber Tango.

Tourism Value

When I announced I was going to the States, many people asked me various version of the same notion: "Why? There is nothing to see." - "But, over there is like, you know, here." - "America? Why in the world would you want to go to that place?" For some reason there seems to be a sentiment that America is a place without much attractions, at least compared with more exotic places like Thailand or Brazil. Reality couldn't be further from the truth, and this leg of my trip has been one of the most impressive on my journey.

Another belief held dear by self-absorbed Europeans is that America is a country without culture or history. Well, if ancient cliff dwellings, Spanish and English colonial architecture, gold rush ghost towns and 300 years of human history of exploration, invention and entertainment aren't good enough for you, then Florence or Kyoto probably won't do it for you either. The American country has plenty of unique history to offer, and if you are willing to listen it will tell you your fair share of war and peace and human struggle, of alien gods and sunken cultures, and of heroes of renown. Many of this isn't necessarily marked (although mentioned) as a highlight in the big guide books, but well worth searching out.

In terms of contemporary culture, America has a lot to offer, too. I personally find that its appeal lies more in the various expressions of 'Americana' which scatter across town and countryside. If you stray from the (comparatively mediocre) standard fare of shows, entertainment centers and art galleries, America's contemporary culture is varied and diverse, sometimes bemusing and often openly hilarious. Where else would you find the largest ball of twine or the atomic testing museum? Where else could you tour an ethically aware porn studio or ride the world's largest rollercoaster?
Some of Americas museums, like the Denver Art Museum, are nothing short of excellent.

Yet America's most impressive sight is the country itself. From vast deserts and towering mountains to crystal-clear lakes and multi-coloured canyons, jaw-dropping scenery waits around every corner, sometimes within a mere hour's drive. Everything here is just bigger, wider and wilder than anywhere else on the planet, and America's nature has often left me speech- and breathless, as I looked around in disbelief. Even 'minor' sights, such as the Black Canyon of the Gunnison, will leave you gaping in awe. Photographs cannot truly capture the sheer grandeur of this country, and I can only recommend you to just simply go and experience it for yourself.

On the downside, if there is something to see, then someone will charge you for it, and that is true even for state-run nature sights. If you have to fork out 25$ per person to see a giant hole in the ground that requires zero maintenance, then you know Uncle Sam needs your dinero pretty bad. 

Conclusion

 

Despite the expenses, the USA is a great travel destination. I cannot stress how utterly amazing the nature here is, and how it will leave you with inspiration and memories for weeks after. Many places, like Vegas or Silverton are worth visiting for their charming tackyness. As long as you're independent of public services America has great infrastructure for you to get around. Next time I come here, and I will come back, I'll come in some sort of mobile home, which saves time, money and energy. America suffers from an unjustified reputation as an unexotic and culturally uninteresting travel destination. Trust me, there is plenty of things to see here that you will blow you mind and tingle your spine. Yes, people over here don't know how to dress or drive, but you'll forgive them when they serve you another oversized 30% meat burger with coke - and a smile.

The Travelogue, Part XXXI - USA: A Country of Virtue

One of my reasons to travel through the (west) of the USA was to gain more understanding of a country that my home media chooses to represent in a few select and mostly unflattering ways. I talked to a lot of Americans, some in loft bars and some on the greyhound, about their country and what makes it unique to find my own perspective on this vast stretch of land. And while I learned there is no such thing as "the USA", everyone I talked to seemed to define America mainly by its overarching values. I've spent a lot of time thinking about the most commonly named ones, and this post is about my perception of the state of these values.
Just like in my last post, I would like to employ the help of someone else. This time it shall be someone held in generally high cultural esteem, an ancient greek by the name of Aristoteles. But don't worry, it's not going to be very intellectual.
Part of Aristoteles ethics theory centers around the idea that every virtue has a desirable measure, a painful excess and a lacking deficiency. Undesirable behaviour in society stems not from lack of virtue, but from straying from "the golden mean". I do indeed believe that USA is a country of many virtues, yet how often they hit that golden mean is an entirely different issue.

Freedom

Ah, yes, freedom. If there was ever a plebiscite in the US on whether to rename it to 'Freedom Country', I'd wager it would pass, so prominent is this word over here. And truly the magnificent history of this country stands witness that it has indeed been a new home for those ostracized, surpressed and prosecuted, and ideal cast into copper and iron on a tiny island in the Bay of New York. Due to overexposure, many Europeans scoff at the sentiment that the USA is indeed a country of freedom, but I find that it is. The USA still takes in more immigrants than any other country on the planet, and they do not only come for the economic benefits. They also come because they are allowed to bring their culture, their religion and their language. In the southwest of the USA almost all information is also presented in Spanish. Try lobbying for Turkish signage in Germany, good luck.
A frequent cause for ridicule and disdain of American society in other countries, the (literal) excess of the freedom virtue is that freedom is treated as an unconditionally desirable value. So many Americans want freedom for the sake of it, constantly lamenting infringement on its unrestricted possession. What they seem to forget is that freedom has to come with a purpose and responsibility. If neither of the two are provided, freedom itself is meaningless. Since most freedoms (including the ones demanded by the founding fathers) is provided in Western societies, America has turned to 'injecting' issues with freedom that have little meaningful purpose at all, not to even speak of responsibility. So strong is the power of the word that whole political movements, such as the Tea Party,  can ride on its wave without having any politically meaningful content whatsoever.
Considering the deficiency of freedom, I think it's a bit of an ironic backdoor thing. The very system that publicly guarantees your freedom is the main inhibitor to actually make use of it. True indpendence is undermined by the social and economic legislation, that favours the powers in existence and gives people without prior assets very little chance to enjoy freedom of choice in work, travel, education and entertainment.

Self-Reliance

America, so I was told many times on this trip, was built on the idea that every man can make his fortune, provided he works hard for it. What that actually come to mean, however, is 'every man for himself'. To a certain degree, this is a healthy attitude I like about many Americans. Taking your fate into your own hands and going out to make a mark in the world seems to be an ubiquitous attitude. I don't necessarily mean that in an economic sense, rather in the way that the general opion is omnipresent that if you want things to happen, you gotta go out and do 'em, whether your love lies with Wall Street or Green Peace. That also means that Americans come with a healthy scepticism towards anyone telling them what to do, including the federal government. Quite contrary to a dearly held European belief that there is 'the United States', in fact Americans in all states fight tooth and nail against the overburdening 'common culture' that we have come to know as the American way of life. Although it is probably a losing battle in the long term, every state has a distinctive local culture that can be surprisingly different from what you normally imagine America to be, and is well worth sampling.
Excess of the self-reliance virtue is the reason why America is often portrayed as a cruel and heartless society. Many Americans I met believed that poor people are poor because they are lazy and refuse to work hard for their dreams like everybody else, and if they don't make it then it's their very own fault. That's why Americans love the figure of the re-emerging underdog. To keep believing in that ideal of success through hard work, they need the occasional, if rare, proof of concept that it is indeed possible. Many oppose any sort of social taxing on grounds of this belief, or any help to even out disadvantages that comes out of their own pockets. This sentiment has prevented the creation of meaningful social systems in the US and should misfortune befall you despite hard work and ample ability, in reality there is rarely a way back up. It has also made it surprisingly acceptable to make fun of the poor and homeless, to a degree that would be impossible anywhere in Europe.

Individuality

 

Whether you want to see it as a by-product or a prerequisite to aforementioned self-reliance, many Americans seem to believe that they are more individualistic than other peoples, both as respective entities and as a culture as a whole.
I believe that this is true, from a purely jurisdictional sense. The American government is indeed more lenient with whatever expression your may find for yourself, and rarely seems to infrige on your right to be a freak.
Painful excess of inviduality shows itself in the assumption that everyone seems to get told that they are a unique little snowflake, and that whatever severe character flaw they might have is just part of that amazing unique self. Society has to cater to that, and all institutions tell you that you are wonderful and special 24/7, and many people genuinely believe that.
But then here comes one of the mean punchlines of US society: people actually hate you for expressing individuality. Nowhere else I have been is conforming to a group and their trappings more pressing than in the states. From high school on people are hammered into shape by relentless comments and ridicule on their individual quirks, and become either Preps or Goths or Nerds or whatever drawer you want to come up with. And if you aren't anything recognizable, then good luck, because for many people it's literally do or die. Teenage suicide rates are high in the states, and many teens are on antidepressants. Yes, I know that social pressure and rejection are not the only causes for that, but I claim they are major.
This seems to lead to Americans either sticking with their group choice for life or becoming as plain as possible in public. Apart from subcultures, Americans wear little that gives away their personality, and are some of the most homogenously dressed people on the planet. And they're stuck in the fashion world of the late eighties. But that's a different issue.

Enthusiasm and Optimism

One thing that separates Americans the most from Europeans is the unlimited enthusiasm and relentless optimism people emanate. The eternal can-do atttude still reigns supreme, and people with even the hardest fates seem to believe that greener pastures still exist within reach. Nothing can seems to be able to bring Americans down, they are the living embodiment of the old saying "dust yourself up and try again", a spirit that I personally found highly contagious. It doesn't surprise me that there are so many more startups and new ideas springing up in the US than in Europe; individuals here are just so much more hopeful and likely to bet on their dreams.
When this virtue passes the golden means, it becomes a value in itself, devoid of any reason. In America, being enthusiastic about something gives it enough validation in any case, even if no arguments exist to back your enthusiasm. That allows people to stand up in public and make a series of non-statements and still get applauded instead of embarassed. The fact that they are passionate about it gives their view sufficient weight despite a lack of content. Consequently being passionate about whatever you think or do has become a national requirement and is encouraged (or even demanded) from early age on. From there stems one of the most annoying habits of Americans: that they will always enthusiastically say yes and agree to all you say, even if they actually mean no.
This constant demand to be positive and upbeat has led to a backfire of enthusiasm in many Americans, especially when reality frequently collides with the perfect world that is claimed to exist. The American 'fakeness' that so many Europeans lament when they stay in the US for a while is merely a mode of survival in a society that has adopted an unhealthy level of optimism as a social virtue. A by-product of that is the widespread abuse of 'happy pills', often on prescription by America's ever-growing pharmashrink industry, that mask individual tragedy to smoothen public life.

Equality

People I met frequently spoke about equality being an American value, but unfortunately I could find no proof for this virtue being existing anywhere in a golden mean. There is some amount of excess, evident in an obsession with political correctness that, while protecting minorities and disadvantaged within the (very academic) realm of language, does little to actually improving the chances or acceptance of said minorities. Companies can rise and fall on an issue of equality, so all companies pay lip service to all sorts of equality schemes to conform to propriety rules. The acceptance of differences is not in the head of people yet, however. This can be seen in the fact that the average American man has an almost pathological fear of being perceived as gay, which means that even remotely form-fitting clothing is non-existent in all common store chains, even for suits. Failure to comply to the rule of baggy will gather you a comment or even open scorn.

It is the utter lack of equality though that is the most visible, and if I may say, below the standards of a nation so proud of its wealth and principles. In no nation I have traveled have I seen so many homeless, so many working poor and met so many people with no perspective in life. You might call it conincidence, but most of them happened to be black or native american. Quality education, the main means of improving your status and income, is prohibitively expensive in America. The USA has a very unflattering Gini Index for its prosperity, and the (white) lobbies that actively prevent equality are strong. So strong in fact that the economic structure actively discriminates against the middle class, which is shrinking by a larger amount every year.

Faith 

Unline Europe, where faith is more of a character trait than a value, in the US it is an important virtue. Strangely enough, it doesn't even have to be faith in the religious sense. For Americans it doesn't seem to matter as much what you believe in, as long as you do believe in something. Being an atheist is a major social stigma in the United States, despite the nation being founded by atheists, and many Americans who are not religious still pretend they are. In absence of a religious mindset, many of them seem to chose to believe in a system instead, adopting a dogmatic, unquestioning attitude towards concepts usually seen as just merely an administrative choice elsewhere. An example is "capitalism" which I many Americans elevate to an absolute, word-of-god concept that does not allow for modification. Everything else is "socialism" (aka 'the devil'), and will not be debated. A subtle outgrowth of this mentality is the tips system. In other countries tips are given to reward and encourage exceptional service. In America a sizeable chunk of tips will be added to any price by standard, eliminating the actual reason why they are given. This enables owners to actually pay below the minimum wage, filling the missing dollars up with tip money instead of paying a reasonable salary instead. The most frequent answer to this pecularity I got was that "those are the rules of capitalism", displaying the same fatalist attitude as believers accepting the invetitable will of God. Insha'Capital and Amen.